The Old Lady in the Chair

Ms. Nadine, as the neighbors called her, was in her mid-eighties, and had been relatively active but was noticeably slowing down. She received word from her doctor that the cancer had returned and there were decisions to be made.

Another round of chemotherapy, radiation, and trips back and forth to the hospital. Time is all relative for this moment. Three months, six, maybe a year - Nadine had realized that getting hit by a bus tomorrow was a possibility as well, unfortunate as it may sound. None of us know.

She’s also known as “The Old Lady in the Chair,” as her nine grandkids lovingly called her, as well as her two daughters and two sons. She hadn’t made the call yet to Ben, her oldest son, who she trusted to be fair with his brother and sisters regarding the estate. She hadn’t convinced herself that reaching out with the news was critical. There were decisions to be made, but not the type of decisions that should put an extra burden on the family. The task at hand was to start organizing papers, and plans, and define the path to be taken in the future that begins immediately.

Having Essential Conversations with Loved Ones - It’s not easy, but necessary.

Navigating the complex and emotional landscape of end-of-life care requires open, honest, and compassionate conversations with our loved ones. 

Whether you're in the pre-care stage, during care, or post-care, these discussions are crucial for ensuring that everyone's wishes and needs are respected.

In this week's HospicePass newsletter, we break down these conversations into three key areas: Pre-Care, During Care, and Post-Care. None of these conversations are easy.

Where do you start?

What do you talk about?

Even the most prepared people can’t answer half of the questions being asked.

So let’s break it down into three categories:

Pre-Care: Preparing for the Future

1. Legal and Financial Documentation:

• Will and Trust: Ensure you have a legally binding will and consider setting up a trust to manage your assets. Note that there are different kinds of trusts and the differences will matter.

• Power of Attorney: Assign a trusted individual to make financial and medical decisions on your behalf if you become unable to do so.

• Advanced Healthcare Directive: Document your healthcare preferences, including treatments you do or do not want to receive. You may want to speak with your doctor to understand the options available that cover multiple possible scenarios.

2. Personal Wishes:

• Living Arrangements: Discuss where you would prefer to live if you require assistance (e.g., home care, assisted living).

• Healthcare Preferences: Outline your preferences for medical treatment, including resuscitation, life support, and pain management.

• End-of-Life Care: Share your desires for hospice care, comfort measures, and spiritual or religious practices.

3. Communication Plan:

• Family Meetings: Schedule regular meetings with family members to discuss updates and any changes to your wishes.

• Documentation: Keep all important documents in an accessible place and ensure your loved ones know where to find them.

A Life, printed in black and white, on paper, is not what it appears to be.

“Why is this so difficult,” Nadine was asking herself. Too many papers, too many different companies to deal with, where would one even start? She couldn’t quite remember what happened when her husband passed. She needed copies of the death certificate for the banks and an insurance policy. Their family attorney was helpful, but over the last 15 years, there seemed to be more. That attorney retired a few years ago - who took over the practice?

Going through the files and documents, Nadine realized that the last conversation with Ben was years ago. How would he navigate this once she was gone? Does he even know my wishes? He is so busy with his family and kids, when would we even talk about these things? He hasn’t asked and I haven’t told him. What will the other kids think? Should we sit down and have this conversation?

It’s a lot to consume and any answer is not right or wrong.

During Care: Supporting Each Other

1. Ongoing Communication:

• Regular Check-ins: Maintain open lines of communication between the patient, family members, and caregivers.

• Emotional Support: Encourage honest conversations about feelings, fears, and hopes to foster a supportive environment.

2. Care Preferences:

• Daily Routine: Discuss and document the patient's preferences for daily activities, meals, and social interactions.

• Medical Treatments: Ensure the patient's healthcare preferences are being followed and update them as necessary.

• Comfort Measures: Prioritize comfort and quality of life, addressing any pain or discomfort promptly.

3. End-of-Life Wishes:

• Final Arrangements: Discuss and document the patient's wishes for their final days, including who they want by their side and any special requests.

• Legacy Planning: Talk about how the patient wants to be remembered and any legacy projects they may want to undertake.

“At the end of the day, I’m at peace, because my intentions are good and my heart is pure.” Buddha

Nadine felt her time on this planet coming to an end. It was a good life and she was content with the journey she chose to walk on her final path. No additional treatment, no waiting in a doctor’s office knowing the outcome would be the same either way.

Her kids understood the decision and Ben helped her choose a hospice that they trusted. Her assigned nurse was attentive during her visits. They provided plenty of information and kept a close eye on her for several weeks. Nadine felt her body deteriorating a little more each day - but she was alright.

One evening she was able to provide Ben with a list of her wishes once she passed. There were a handful of people and extended family members that he should reach out to. She pointed him in the direction of important documents, insurance policies, retirement accounts, the deed to the house, the name of an attorney’s office, the funeral home, and the location of the cemetery plot. Simple was the preference and make certain that my grandchildren know I love them very much. Be good to your brother and sisters.

Post-Care: Honoring and Remembering

1. Practical Arrangements:

• Locate Important Documents: Ensure you have access to the will, trust, insurance policies, and any other vital documents.

• Notify Relevant Parties: Inform necessary institutions, such as banks, insurance companies, and government agencies, of the loved one's passing.

• Funeral and Memorial Services: Plan and arrange services according to your loved one's wishes.

2. Emotional Support:

• Family Meetings: Continue to hold family meetings to provide emotional support and discuss any ongoing tasks or decisions.

• Grief Counseling: Consider seeking professional support for family members who may need help processing their grief.

3. Fulfilling Wishes:

• Estate Management: Follow the instructions in the will or trust to distribute assets and settle any outstanding affairs.

• Legacy Projects: Honor your loved one's memory by completing any legacy projects or philanthropic efforts they wished to pursue.

Having these conversations may be challenging, but they are essential for ensuring that your loved ones' wishes are honored and that their transition, as well as your grieving process, is as smooth as possible. By addressing these topics openly and early, you can provide peace of mind for everyone involved.

As hospice professionals, you hear, see - shoot you are in the middle of these conversations with multiple families on any given day. Understanding and having these three pillars in your back pocket, simply for education, could make a difference for a family.

Sometimes we all need a little push off that ledge. These conversations are critical to have and can make a difference in making someone’s end-of-life journey exceptional.

The  E•O•L (End of Life) Deck is a tool used by families, caregivers, and healthcare providers to help facilitate conversations about end-of-life wishes. With a casual tone, multiple-choice and open-ended questions, the E•O•L Deck makes starting conversations about what matters most a little easier. 

Meet Lisa Pahl, LCSW co-creator of the E-O-L Deck.

Why CareCompanion360?

With CareCompanion360, you can streamline your operations, enhance client engagement, and maximize lead conversions. This comprehensive platform offers a suite of powerful tools tailored to meet the unique needs of hospice agencies:

• Website/Funnel Builder: Work with professionals to create a beautiful, user-friendly website that highlights your services and converts visitors into clients.

• Social Media Management: Effortlessly manage and schedule posts across all major social media platforms to keep your audience engaged and informed.

• Automated Follow-Ups: Ensure no lead falls through the cracks with automated email and text follow-up sequences.

• Chatbot Integration: Provide instant responses to inquiries, improving client satisfaction and engagement.

• Review and Referral Automation: Build a stellar online reputation by automating review requests and encouraging referrals from satisfied clients.

What Sets Us Apart?

CareCompanion360 is more than just a marketing tool—it's a comprehensive solution designed to grow your hospice agency. This platform simplifies complex marketing tasks, allowing you to focus on what you do best: providing exceptional care during the toughest time in life.

Special Offer for HospicePass Subscribers

Join the growing number of hospice agencies transforming their digital marketing with CareCompanion360. Sign up today using our exclusive code "HOSPICEPASS" and receive 50% off your first month.

Experience the difference CareCompanion360 can make for your hospice agency. Visit carecompanion360.com to learn more and start your journey towards enhanced digital marketing success.

Sympathy cards that don’t suck.
Made for grieving people, by grieving people.

In 2008, my brother, Garrett, passed away in a car accident at age eighteen. Well-intentioned people filled my family’s mailbox with sympathy cards, many of which sucked. And then they stopped sending anything at all.

I created Grief Cards in order to help people reach out — without toxic positivity or assumed spirituality. Every grief experience is unique and nuanced, but the importance of ongoing, intentional connection is universal. And not only right after a loss, but in the weeks, months, and years to follow.

Grief Cards are sustainably-made and locally-printed in Kansas City, Missouri. Each one is intentionally crafted to help both sender and recipient feel less alone as they navigate their own experiences on their own timelines and in their own ways.

With love,
Madison Clark, Founder